reasons to be a controversial human being.


The Solution to Childhood Obesity: A Study

After recently watching HBO’s “Weight of a Nation”, I started thinking a lot about the epidemic of Childhood Obesity. As an obese child that grew into an even more obese adult, it’s hard to separate my own experience from that of the nation as a whole. Privileged and white, I never had to deal with McDonalds being the only available food option because of it’s cost. I have every opportunity to be healthy, but I wasn’t and that was rare in 1993. Looking back now I can only pinpoint one major factor as to why obesity was so rare when I was a child, and now, it is literally killing our nation’s youth.

The Skip-It.

The Skip-It was discontinued in 2009 and I don’t want to directly blame the childhood obesity epidemic on it’s halt in production, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

A staple of Nickelodeon broadcasting throughout the late 80s and 90s, the Skip-It was essentially a horizontal jump rope in which the excited child would swing around their leg and try to jump over the large ball attached on its end. And the greatest part of all…well…I’ll let the commercial tell you.

The greatest part of all, the COUNTER IS ON THE BALL.

If only the kids of the new millennium would know the joy of harshly knocking your ankle against a hard piece of plastic spinning around your 9 year old limbs as fast as possible. If only they knew the sheer glee of feeling the harsh, concrete ridden surface of the once-smooth skip-it ball counter scrape your fingers when you pick it up to check the counts.

This exercise themed toy culture has gone by the wayside and as a result our children have become less active.

Now I don’t want to blame this all on the Bop-It but…

The lack of physicality involved is damning.


The Top 10 Unanswered Questions of 2010

Last year I brought you, loyal readers, the top 10 music videos of 2009. And today, on this most blessed of New Year’s Day, I bring you the Top 10 Unanswered Questions of 2010. This isn’t so much a countdown list as it is a despereate plea for help to these questions that I have been struggling with for the past year. Help me dearest readers, help me.

10. What is a Nicki Minaj?

I just don’t get it. Is she some kind of rainbow-streaked hair robot soldier? Is she a rapper? Does she feel human emotions or is she just a really animated Care Bear. Also I thought she was Lady Gaga. Different I guess, right? MTV recently aired a special on the Nicki Minaj and after watching a good 20 minutes of it I don’t exactly still know what it is. She was picking out clothes, she rode in a limosine, she put those stupid colored streaks in her hair and then talked a lot about “the game” and how hard it was for a woman to play it. Is she talking about Rummy? Uno? I could look to her music videos but that’s not really giving anyone a whole lot information:

So she’s lost in the jungle, but she still has a pink lambourgini and green hair. This doesn’t help. This doesn’t help at all.

Also, its good to know that Lance Bass and Whitney Port were finally able, after years of extensive research and expiditions, able to capture the Nicki Minaj on film:

9. Did anyone ever call Katy Perry back on her shoe phone?

I’ve brought up Katy Perry’s idiotic Proactiv commercial in the past, but it still mystifies me with its idiocy. Why does she answer the shoe phone? Who is on the other line? Does she know that its not a real phone?

This is a real shoe phone:

I just feel that as a nation we need to be worried that we are celebrating a woman who, most recently, got sham married in India because she believes in chakras or whatever, but also celebrating a woman whose breasts are so large and magnificent that they most literally erupt in flames:

8. If you had to listen to only Nickleback or only Train for an entire week, which would you choose?

I think the real question here is, do you want your pants around your feet or drops of jupiter in your hair? Having had many, many heated discussions on the matter, I find it hard to believe that this is even a debate, but in this nation there exists a vast and diverse listening population: Some who would prefer the “hard rocking anthems” of Nickelback, and others the “smooth melodies” of Train.

Let’s go to the tape:

Arguement 1: Nickelback

Rebuttle: Train

….and the debate rages on…..

7. Is that girl from the Cheetah Girls really a prostitute or was that just for the music video?

As a refresher, Kiely Williams, a former Cheetah Girl, decided to make a music video about how much she loves to get blackout drunk and have unprotected sex with dreadlocked gentlemen.

Well, according to the teaser trailer to her new song, yes, she really is a prostitute. And she drinks like a fish:

Somebody needs to call her manager to make sure she’s not stuffed in a stall in the men’s bathroom at a Denny’s in Southern California.

6. What was the best thing you read in 2010?

I read a lot of amazing books in 2010. And I would love to suggest that all of you go out and pick up Shannen Doherty’s book, “Badass”. In it, she’ll tell you how much she admires women like Amelia Earhart and Soujerner Truth, true “badasses” in her opinion. She also includes her thoughts about how great of an actress that she is as well as her published poetry from when she was in second grade. Dear readers, I like you too much to expose you to this:

She is the actress of our generation.

Instead I would suggest you read Tom Rachman’s “The Imperfectionists”. “The Imperfectionists” is a brilliantly written novel about a struggling newspaper in Rome. The book is compelling, interestingly structured and frankly, really thrilling. I’ll link to amazon so no one has to struggle to not buy this immediately after reading.

You’re welcome.

5. Can Miley Cyrus ever be tamed?

No. No, she can’t.

4. What was the best music of 2010?

God where to start.

David Ford – Hurricane

The Cops – Call Me Anytime

Laura Marling – What He Wrote

Neon Trees – Animal

3. Was the Tourist an actual movie or just an expensive visitor’s guide to Venice, Italy?

It’s not. It’s just a long series of boat shots, boat chases and Angelina Jolie only wearing the color cream.
Fun movie fact: Angelina Jolie is the only woman to speak in the film because the director felt that Angelina Jolie is all the woman that any woman needs.

2. Is Willow Smith old enough to touch money?

No. Nor is she old enough to:

— Have haters
— Be rolling up in a black car to school
— Be rolling up in anything
— Turning her swag on
— Have ladies
— Pulling up and subsequently whipping it real hard

1. Who is SALT?

No clue. I’ve seen it twice now. She kicks so much ass. And it truly, truly is the question that’s been plaguing me the entire year. And will probably plague me until the sequel.

All I know is that Evelyn Salt can kill people with handcuffs, steal clothes exactly her size from strangers and make rockets out of household cleaners on the fly, without her shoes on.

Who is she man? Who is she?

See you all in 2011. Unless of course SALT continues to take us out one by one….