2001: A Period Piece
I’d like to think that the 1:00pm viewing of Dear John I attended was for research. And sort of, I guess it was. But it was mostly to fulfill my Nicholas Sparks fix. Also 9/11.
For some reason, the year 2001 has now become the year for high school romance and love. Both “Dear John” and the Robert Pattison movie “Remember Me” take place in September 2001. I guess I’m not so ready to have teen love played out at a time period that I was not only living, but a little evolved and aware. The fact that 2001 is now something like “the 80s” or “the 40s” makes me a bit uncomfortable.
And I think that’s why I love period movies so much (not the Jane Austen kind). I recently watched “Pearl Harbor” for the first time in a long time and it only served to solidify my love for the 1940’s war drama. “The Notebook”, “Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood”, “Pearl Harbor”: set it in the 40s, and I’m there. It can be the biggest chick flick of a film but the 1940s simply do it for me. Back then war seemed so noble and classy and important. Girls in bright red lipstick chase after steam trains carrying their soldier to the battlefields of Normandy.
Something about the 2001ish war films don’t do it for me. FIlms like “The Hurt Locker” and “Jarhead” don’t have the sense of epic drama that WWII films have.
Perhaps is because I’ve actually lived through the Iraq War and 9/11 or perhaps its because enlisting in the army isn’t what it used to be.
Now it’s this:
Just a series of odd and mismatched National Guard music videos that play before movies. I’m not posting the Kid Rock National Guard video out of deference to our troops.
I have a hard time even poking fun at these because supporting the troops is a great thing, but these ads are just simply ridiculous. Watch these videos and try to tell me what the National Guard does. They save photo albums. Play ball with kids in Iraq. Fight waves with guns. Drive Hummers through mud. Save babies from fire. Get screamed at in the rain by Sergeants. Posses the Harry Potter-like ability to transform, through spinning, from a regular person to a polished soldier. It’s ridiculous. But I guess it’s better than the old ad where a Marine had to fight a scary Lord of the Rings Fire Monster:
Healthcare
Today, because of my unemployment, and also because of my interest in the world around me, I watched the Healthcare Summit in Washington DC. I couldn’t make it through all 7 hours, but I certainly made it a good way through. And I don’t usually use this space for politics, so I won’t. What struck me most about the Summit was the group of people sitting around that table. One black man sitting at the head, 3 or so women and the rest just a huge smattering of elderly white men.
I have a hard time understanding how anything can get accomplished by this group of people. Barack Obama rallies the young, that’s why he’s president, but these old staunch senators and representatives won’t have a second of it. There was not one young person in that entire group. And while I understand the importance of experience, the minimum age to be president is 35. Where are the 35-year-olds? In this world of rapidly changing technology, I can’t even keep up with my younger brother. How can John McCain?
How can a group of people, so set in their ways that they let this country run itself into the ground, somehow pull a solution to a problem out of thin air?
What also upset me is that this entire healthcare debate has nothing to do with healthcare. It has to do with power. These men aren’t thinking of the American People when they veto, shoot down and criticize the President; they think of themselves. Republicans are so concerned with their bruised egos from the last eight years and Democrats are so scared of losing their new-found power that everyone is just scrambling to keep their laurels. It makes me think of a 30 Rock where Jack Donaghy says that you need to grab all the marbles. Liz Lemon responds that “that’s not how you play marbles, Jack” and he says “but that’s how you keep them”.
I would love a career in politics. I love public speaking. I love rallies. I love lying and scandal. But my issue is that Washington is just a blown-up version of high school government. No one but the people wanting to be President of Class could give a rat’s ass about it. But the people inside the system think that what they are doing and who they are is of the greatest importance. Ego has been, and is tearing this country apart. And it makes me sad.
Party lines aside, I think that everyone is being stubborn and simply going through the motions to try and reach a “bipartisan” decision. It made me so happy at the end of the Summit when Barack basically said that he’s gonna put up with this bull for six more weeks. But after that, Republicans, he’s playing his hand. It’s about time someone showed some power in the Democratic party. George W. certainly had no problem asserting the dominance of the GOP and using his majority to achieve his agenda. Democrats are just too damn polite. I have mad respect for cut-throat politics. Go Nixon.
I think that everyone on Capitol Hill should just take a minute, slow down, and listen to this:
Tuesday’s Laugh Out Loud Comedy Playlist
Hey Chucklebuckets!
As a fan of using spoken word to fall asleep at night, there’s nothing better than a nice stand-up set that lulls me to sleep while laughing to myself. It makes for much better dreams. Below you’ll find a list of hilarious jokes from hilarious people. No Dane Cook. Promise promise.
“Don’t Murder Your Friends” — Jen Kirkman
“The Salt and Pepper Diner” — John Mulaney
“Alicia Keys” — Maria Bamford
“For the Ladies” — Stephen Lynch
“Comedy Death Ray” — Chris Harwick
“A Gang of Lady Rapists” — Laurie Kilmartin
“A Dude Named Danielle” — Kathy Griffin
“Dork on the Loose” — Aisha Tyler
“Playground Flashback” — Elvira Kurt
“Family” — Kathleen Madigan
January 2nd
“January 2nd”
Yesterday I rode a drop of rain into a town I’ve never seen.
I hit a bearded trucker’s windshield and listened to the screaming of his CB radio before his wipers knocked me away.
I spent the rest of the afternoon on a coffee shop window,
I watched the baristas fix drinks.
I couldn’t tell if the town was special enough for me.
Say more so than Cairo, or Rome,
but I watched the people there anyway.
I wondered if they have ever been to Cairo,
seen the things I’ve seen.
Could these plain people know of pyramids?
And water-zapping heat?
A woman in a gray tweed hat sips her tea while she grades papers.
A little boy breaks away from his mother’s grasp and tries to wipe me away.
He uses his breath to fog up the window.
He draws a cloud. A pyramid. A frown.
And a drop of rain.
St. Charles Borromeo
St. Charles Borromeo is the patron saint of stomach ailments, apple orchards and bishops among other things. Responsible for bringing about the modern-day Catechism and the education of priests through monasteries, Borromeo’s name is synonymous with reform. When Milan was hit with the bubonic plague, Borromeo thought not of his own safety, but of those suffering by putting himself at risk to help the sick.
And now I sit in his empty church in Brooklyn Heights wondering what good all his reform has done.
The Urban Catholic church is in trouble. One could blame a lack of faith in general, the recent scandals of the Catholic church, or simply an ages old institution following the course of nature and fading away. I personally blame gentrification. Regardless of feelings on faith and god, a Catholic church is a wonderful place to be treasured. St. Charles Borromeo in Brooklyn is almost two-hundred years old. The Subway Sandwich Shop across the street from the Starbucks, however, is not.
The Catholic Church is in trouble. When these houses of worship were first built, these Brooklyn and New York Neighborhoods were packed to the limit with staunch Irish, Italian, Polish and Latin Catholics. The specific subset may vary, but the level of rigid faith here is unwavering. And as these neighborhoods, Brooklyn Heights especially, continue to gentrify, all of the ethnic roots go with it. Someone asked me what “kind of neighborhood” I lived in. Having just moved from Little Vietnam in Chicago, I can without a doubt say, “white”. The cultural roots of Cobble Hill are white, yuppie, young folks. There’s an Urban Outfitters one block from an American Apparel. It’s pretty white here.
But if you take white people out of suburbia, their religious convictions do not follow them. And it makes me sad. Not so much that there’s a lack of faith, or discipline, but that the Church is going to have to close down and consolidate some of these majestic and truly beautiful houses of worship. That one priest is doing the job of three. And Jesus aside, churches help communities. Bottom line. And if there isn’t a stable core group of priests and nuns and lay people to do this charity work that the rest of us are all so busy to do, then who really suffers?
Borromeo’s emblem is the latin word humilitas, meaning humility. And it really makes me sad to think that a church named for such a humble man is crumbling under the weight of vanity and greed brought on by the gentrification of amazing little towns in Brooklyn.
A Critical Analysis of Britney Spears’ “Lucky”
Oh Britney. You meteoric rise to stardome and subsequent nosedive and rebirth have given the world at large so much fodder over the years. But did you know that you predicted your own future? In a strange attempt at self-reference (which is giving her a lot of credit) the song “Lucky” tells the story, in simple story form of course, of a famous girl named Lucky who is so, so sad to be famous. Let’s break it down.
Lyrics
“Lucky”
This is the story about a girl named Lucky.
Early morning,
She wakes up.
Knock, knock, knock on the door.
It’s time for makeup,
Perfect smile,
It’s you they’re all waiting for.
Isn’t she lovely
This Hollywood girl?
And they say..
She’s so Lucky,
She’s a star,
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Thinking, if there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
Lost in an image, in a dream
But there’s no one there to wake her up.
And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning,
But tell me, what happens when it stops?
Baby.
Isn’t she lovely?
This Hollywood girl.
And they say..
She’s so lucky,
She’s a star,
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Thinking, if there’s nothing missing in my life,
Then why do these tears come at night?
Isn’t she lovely?
This Hollywood girl.
She’s so lucky,
But why does she cry?
If there is nothing missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?
And they say..
She’s so lucky,
She’s a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Thinking, if there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
She’s so lucky.
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?
Conclusion
Oh Britney. Perhaps there was a time when we felt bad that you’ve been cry, cry crying in your lonely heart. But you make millions of dollars. You are an international superstar. You have (had) a husband, you have (had) custody of your two kids, then why do these tears come at night?
First of all, any song that starts with “This is the story about a girl named Lucky”, you know can only get worse.
I have to believe that whomever the songwriter for this song was, thought that they were making a great commentary on somebody like Britney Spears. The song tries to highlight the high cost of fame. But I bet they never banked on the braintrust that is the Britney Spears camp to actually pick this song and have her perform it.
The song is more or less three minutes of bitching about fame, which in this world, people have very little time for. I also don’t quite understand if Lucky is telling the story about herself, or another person, or if Britney is Lucky, or Lucky is Britney; its all very confusing. Lucky is also very confused because she seems to not know why her tears come out at night. I can solve this Lucky / Britney, loneliness. You sing it like four times in the song. “Lucky” really is just a bubblgum mess being spearheaded by the biggest bubblegum mess of them all taking what could be a meta-commentary on fame and turning it into a sappy sob story that allows Britney Spears to wear a prom dress and throw glitter around the stage.
The Numbers
Creepy: 13%
Sweet: 7%
Sad: 80%
There aren’t a lot of words for this mess of a music video except that, well, it just gets sadder. The song, I’m pretty positive is about 30 seconds long, and the video tacks on a good four minutes of terrible acting, phantom Britney talking to Lucky, talking to Britney, or being Lucky, and ends with her throwing glitter and receiving crowns and awards on a red carpet. Way to learn a lesson Lucky. Way to learn a lesson.
Hallelujah
It’s probably one of the most moving, overplayed, overcovered and yet still moving songs ever written. So let’s break it down. Whose version is best? Who will make my top five? The suspense is killing me….
5. Brandi Carlile
A voice like Brandi Carlile’s is perfect for a song like this. It’s almost painful to listen to her sing. Her voice creaks, breaks and cracks all the way through the song. And while not tinged with the authenticity of Jeff Buckley’s voice, Brandi can always manage to make you feel something; even if she’s just going through the motions. Not a perfect version of the song, but it gets the job done.
4. Leonard Cohen
You have to give a shout out to the original. Not being a huge fan of kid chorus’ of any kind, this version doesn’t really do it for me. But you have to give credit where credit is due. Cohen uses an awful lot of speak-singing and synth to orchestrate a series of background “oooohs” and “aaaahs” and for me it takes away a lot of the heartbreak that can be found in other versions. And let’s face it, no one listens to “hallelujah” for an upper.
3. K.D. Lang
Having most recently performed this at the opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics, K.D. Lang brings that voice like butter and her own unique melodies to the classic song. I think it goes to say that when K.D. Lang sings anything that she makes it her own, but when she makes her way through the melodies you really start to feel something special. This version also relies more on a tinging piano than any other real orchestration.
2. Jeff Buckley
Buckley opens his version of the song with a deep inhale, followed by a bit of silence, and then electric guitar. And we know we’re in for something special. Buckley’s voice carries over the song almost like a little boy singing to his mother. He sings with a great innocence and wonder and it really helps to make the song his own.
1. Rufus Wainwright
Let’s face it. You heard this song from Shrek. You know you did. Unless you are one of the few truly “ahead of the curve” people who’ve loved dear Rufus from the start. I, personally, heard it first on the West Wing. There’s a certain television magic that happens when Rufus’ version of this song orchestrates a sad cinematic moment. It’s heartbreaking. And while Jeff Buckley’s version wallows and lives in that desolate place of utter heartbreak, Rufus manages to take his to a smoother and more melodic place. It’s just as heartbreaking and melancholic, but also uplifting and beautiful. In my opinion, this is the definitive version of this song.
Tuesday’s Music Video Playlist
We all love music videos. In fact, one of my great life goals is to become a music video director. Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching Reba McEntire reinvent the genre again and again since I was a child, but there’s something really special that happens when the right images line up with the right lyrics and melody. So I give you ten of my favorite music videos, across different musical genres, and all special in their own unique way.
1. Recuerdame — La Quinta Estacion (feat. Marc Anthony)
Even if you don’t speak any Espanol, you know that something serious is going on here. With all the explosions and dramatics of a Michael Bay movie, ‘Recuerdame’ has that special mix of sheer grief, tornadoes and beautiful Latin people that really make the video the best part of the song. With translated lyrics like “your soul is tattooed on my skin” and “when I look into your eyes I see the past”, the music video fits the dramatics of the songwriting like a glove.
2. Fancy — Reba McEntire
“Fancy” tells the story of a young girl who, in order to keep her poor family fed, allows her mother to sell her into prostitution. Hands down one of Reba McEntire’s greatest hits, the music video for “Fancy”, looks more like a short film than a music video. Incorporating dialogue, a backstory, flashbacks and straight up breaks in the music to allow for scenework, “Fancy” elevates the music video genre to a new level. You also have to admire Reba for being one of the few artists who is willing to sacrifice performance shots and even herself as the “hot young girl” in order to provide a more dramatic experience for the audience.
3. Everlasting Love — Gloria Estefan
“Everlasting Love” is not on this list because it is a particularly good music video. In fact, it’s pretty odd and terrible. But there’s a sheer and joyous sense of celebration to the video that makes it a really enjoyable view. Starring not Gloria Estefan, but a series of women and drag queens dressed up like Gloria Estefan, the first couple viewings of this video become an odd game of figuring out if any of the women in the video are, in fact, the real Estefan. The answer forces you to delve into a mid-90s techno world that most of us haven’t been privy to since Spice World came out. It’s trippy and strange, and subsequently, pretty great.
4. Who Knew — P!nk
P!nk, to me, represents this really spiritual high school nostalgia. Even though I’m too old to be relating to her music, and even though I had none of the experiences that she sings about, for some reason her music brings me right back to the halls of ol’ Hoover High School. There’s an automatic connection we all feel to high school. “Who Knew” is just one of many of her videos that use high school as a backdrop for heartbreak and addiction. This time it’s heroin. Plus a carnival. P!nk has a nice sincerity in her videos that really makes the viewer believe that she’s been a part of the whole process and really believes in the concept. There’s also some nice imagery at play here with the different carnival rides spinning around as our main characters lost control.
5. Jolene — Mindy Smith
Originally a Dolly Parton hit, Mindy Smith’s cover of “Jolene” is significantly more haunting than it’s predecessor. And the music video fits the mood of the song to perfection. Featuring a cameo by Dolly herself, the video achingly portrays the longing and lust that the song evokes. It’s a bluegrass symphony. The video should really make every woman fear that a red haired vixen is going to steal their man away. The video is simple, dark and really effective. Featuring nothing more than shots of Mindy Smith walking with a lantern and shots of her man and the red haired woman, the subtlety of the video takes the cheating husband idea miles away from Lifetime.
6. Nobody Wants to be Lonely — Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera
Representing the best of the worst is “Nobody Wants to be Lonely”. It’s so hard to describe the period of time between 2000 and 2003. It’s not the 90s anymore, but there’s this odd jean-clad tie over to the previous decade. This video sums it up perfectly. Two bubblegum pop stars trapped in some sort of CGI shubbery maze desperately pining for each other as their voices run up and down the musical scale. The video has this great way of sucking out all sexual chemistry possible by separating the lovers from the start and keeping them lost in the CGI Maze, CGI Castle and CGI stairs the entire time. It’s a real gem. The only time they’re together is for some ghostly CGI walking through each other and some odd CGI Pining.
7. Stronger — Britney Spears
You can’t have a music video countdown without including the queen of the music video dance sequence, Britney Spears. Despite the fact that she only arm-dances now, her music videos used to be pinnacles of bubblegum choreography. “Stronger”, much like “Nobody Wants to Be Lonely”, features an almost entirely CGI backdrop. This time the director, instead of CGI Maze, opted for scary CGI city and CGI Chair dancing. If nothing else, the music video demonstrates Britney Spears’ greatest strengths: choreography and lip-synching. Britney dances and lip-synchs her way through three minutes of thin plotline (scorned lover, driving a car in the rain) but still manages to hold the focus. Despite the video having the legitimacy of stuffed toys you would win at a local carnival, she manages to keep the audience captivated and interested the entire time; something she’s lost as of late. I must also note that the video features my all-time favorite music video trope, dramatically singing and walking in the rain.
8. Like a Prayer — Madonna
Oh Madonna. Needlessly controversial, awkwardly overly sexual. There’s no real way to describe her “Like a Prayer” video except for maybe, Madonna has sex in a church with a black jesus in front of a Gospel choir. In a strange attempt to bring attention to race relations, cross burning and church, the Catholic bad girl gave us one of the strangest music videos to date. I mean at one point Madonna gives herself the stigmata. And while Lady Gaga thinks that she is the be all and end all to controversy, I have yet to see her do anything on this level of well-intended offense. The lyrics read “Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone” and as for Madonna, she does. The video jumps in tone from gang violence, to religious miracles, to interracial love, to cross burning to a strange clap-fest with a local gospel choir. And while I’m sure there’s no mal intent at work here, Madonna not only got herself into huge trouble with religious groups, but also with Pepsi Co., who after this video, threw a royal fit as her sponsor having used the song in their advertisements.
9. When You Were Young — The Killers
You don’t get more authentic than the Killers. They are Las Vegas personified. The Vegas band has the great theatricality and sense of the west that midwestern bands like Fallout Boy and Panic! At the Disco try so hard to copy. Brandon Flowers wears feathers on his jackets, almost always, but that’s his thing. And I buy it. The Killers also take the Reba McEntire movie approach to their music videos. “When You Were Young” is set in Mexico and follows the story of a young girl scorned by her cheating husband. It’s simple enough, but the video is filled with such drama and dust that it becomes something a little more. I also love how the Killers are able to integrate their performance shots into the plot of the story. For example in “When You Were Young”, the girl works at a small, dingy restaurant. All the performance shots are of the Killers performing in the eatery. At one point the young girl even stops and watches them play. It’s not high-gloss and it’s not spectacular, but it’s simple. The Killers always manage to tell true stories of the West through their videos, and this one tops the list. Their videos are always super-moody and highly dramatic, two things that are so dear to my theatrical heart.
10. Independence Day — Martina McBride
Let’s just face facts here: country music stars just make better music videos. The genre is geared toward it. Country songs almost across the board contain more storyline and consequently more heartbreak than any other type of music. “Independence Day” is a black-and-white portrayal of spousal abuse and revenge sung so perfectly by McBride. After 9/11 this song, along with “God Bless the USA”, became an anthem for American pride, when in fact, the song has almost nothing to do with America, and everything to do with a woman burning down her home to kill herself and her abusive husband and her daughter finding it after a Fourth of July parade. For 1993, this video and song were rightly shocking and made Martina McBride the country staple that she is today. Stark images of her singing in front of a burning house and a little girl being carried away by fireman have resonated with me since it came out when I was 7 and to this day I haven’t seen a video accomplish as much as this one does using so little.
little horses
“little horses”
I used to see in your eyes, kingdoms,
little horses and a valiant prince.
I would gaze into a world where honor and valor dictated status, not riches.
But now I spend my days in coffee shops,
and I write about the valiant prince and his little horses instead.
How despite the grim odds of a crumbling kingdom,
he inspired hope.
He gave big speeches atop little podiums.
And he rallied people with words like ‘hope’ and ‘joy’ and ‘consequence’.
In his brief free moments he spent his time memorizing classical French love songs on the estate piano.
But even with all the stunning resolve of his father, the king,
the valiant prince couldn’t keep the kingdom together, or whole.
A woman next to me leans over and asks me what I’m writing about,
her breath smelling like department store perfume,
and coffee,
And I tell her about the valiant prince,
his little horses,
and his far-off kingdom.
She smiles and tells me that fairy tales are cute.
I opt not to tell her how the valiant prince lived the rest of his long life in squalor,
desperately searching for just one opportunity to demonstrate the valiant nature of his good and decent character.
And how ‘cute’ it was that the opportunity, for the valiant prince, never came.
People Who Should Never Have Been Born: Nicholas Sparks Edition
There is no greater literary fluff trash than the work of Nicholas Sparks. Novels with ideas so trite and overused that we as emotional humans find ourselves helpless and weak when faced with his heart-wrenching stories of love and war and jesus and cancer and letters. Say what you will for trash fiction authors like James Patterson, but at least the man is peddling his stories honestly. James Patterson writes four books a month with the same themes, same characters, same twists, but he knows it. He’s not peddling it as high art. Nicholas Sparks on the other hand, uses his books as some sort of lofty platform in which to express these truly deep ideals of love and loss and tragedy and jesus.
Now I am all for “the Notebook”, actually. It was his first book, it has solid themes and an expansive story. And the movie will most definitely make you sob. Old People? Forgetting things? War? But everything that follows is nothing but drool. The Nicholas Sparks formula reads as follows:
Christian/Wholesome Girl + Bad Boy/Guy From the Wrong Side of the tracks +war -family support x Cancer (Or other debilitating disease) + letters +a diary -town support + a locket = Hollywood Gold.
It seems like there’s a new Nicholas Sparks Film every month, and for Feb and March, this is actually true. This month’s behemoth of literature is Dear John. Let’s go to the board:
Christian Girl + Boy From the Wrong Side of the Tracks + 9/11 + Letters = #1 movie in America.
I was fine with “Dear John” just fading into the ridiculous stack of movies for me to get drunk and watch, but then I found out about 9/11. The fact that this movie is a ‘period piece’, taking place on September 11th, 2001 is one of the most ludicrous things that I’ve heard. So not only is Nicholas Sparks using letters, war, torn lovers and I’m assuming some disease tug at our heart strings, but he’s gonna draw from the raw pit of emotion that is feelings about 9/11. Using Channing Tatum. Really?
Now I’ve always said that I would sell out before you even asked me to. I understand that Nicky knows he has a cash cow on his hand and is taking advantage of it. But he lost all respect for me as an author when I heard about the film “The Last Song” starring Miley Cyrus. Is this an adaptation of his book you ask? What was his inspiration? Well, no, he’s writing the book at the same time as the movie (skipping steps / time saver). But what could inspire a story about a girl who is forced to live with her dying Juilliard pianist father only to discover her love for music? Well….the answer kiddies is that Miley Cyrus wanted to be in a Nicholas Sparks movie. 15-year-old Miley saw, “A Walk to Remember (Christian Girl + Bad Boy + Cancer), and had her agent call Nicholas Sparks and ask him to write a movie for her. So he did. He really did. And thus brings us to “The Last Song”.
So if we recap, “Dear John” came out last week and in just one short month we shall be blessed with another big budget lifetime movie shoved down our throats by a 17-year-old girl with a Wal-Mart clothing line and a 21-year-old boyfriend. I just wonder when my William Faulkner movie is coming out? Why doesn’t Miley Cyrus want Proust to write her a screenplay. Or Thomas Kinkade to paint her one. Because I guess we’re living in a world where dime-quality novels and tween sensations get to dictate what stands in this country as literature, film and art.
I dare you to watch this without laughing:
Outrunning Oldness
As a recent transplant to New York I have joined my local gym. Having been so used to the comforts of a near-empty fitness center in my old building in Chicago, it took a minute to adjust to the full-fledged gym experience (including getting flashed by old, old men in the locker room). I went for the first time during an off-peak time and it was a smattering of people: gym rats, some oldsters and non-descript people. But I went at 7pm two nights ago and was blown away. If ever anyone wanted to eliminate all Brooklyn Yuppies in one fell swoop, simply bomb New York Sports Clubs Cobble Hill. It was simply a sea of attractive 25-35 somethings running on treadmills and punishing themselves on the stairmaster. Most had fancy arm bands, some were business on top (polo shirt) party on the bottom (gym shorts) while others simply looked over their work papers while they worked on their fitness.
But it wasn’t just the way they all looked that took me aback. It was the looks on their faces. They all seemed to be punishing themselves. It looked like they were trying to outrun their impending old age. It didn’t seem like working out to stay healthy, or working out to lose weight, but this manic and desperate sweat-stained race to the finish line where the winner beats father time to a pulp in a Mortal Kombat-like “Finish Him” battle.
And as I stood there waiting for my turn on the treadmill I wondered; what kind of personal hell do these people live in where perfectly attractive and fit people feel the need to challenge something that they can’t change. You can’t stop turing 36. It’s gonna happen. I couldn’t stop my 23rd birthday this year. And no matter how many miles I log on the treadmill while flipping back between American Idol and the Biggest Loser, it’s never gonna stop. And I certainly can’t outrun it. It made me very sad.
The New York City Songs Tuesday Playlist
Moving to New York? Just moved? Just a fan of songs about US cities? Well do I have a playlist for you.
There’s something amazing about how a song can instantly elicit an emotion if its about a familiar place. The only exception has to be “Cleveland Rocks”, the theme song to the Drew Carey Show, because the only emotions elicited by the city of Cleveland are disappointed homeless ones.
“Moving to New York” — The Wombats
“Brooklyn Blurs” — The Paper Raincoat
“Manhattan” — Ella Fitzgerald
“New York Shit” — Busta Rhymes
“Saturday in the Park” — Chicago
“14th Street” — Rufus Wainwright
“One Day You’ll Dance for me New York City” — Thomas Dydbahl
“NYC – Gone, gone” — Conor Oberst
“Manhattan” — The War
“Empire State of Mind” — Jay Z, feat. Alicia Keys
Enjoy. Listen. Download.
For the Storm
One plus side to living in New York as of this week is that we all but avoided the torrential winter storm that pounded the northeast. So all of you who live there, well, sorry.
But here are two songs that should help the storm go away.
Etta James : “Stormy Weather”
Damien Jurado : “Paper Kite”
A Critical Analysis of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”
If you know me, you know “Fast Car”.
I believe in pivotal moments. Where were you when Kennedy was shot? (ans. Not Born) Or where were you on 9/11? (ans. Watching Jennifer Lopez in “Selena” in Spanish 2) And the third pivotal question has to be, where were you when you found out that Tracy Chapman was a woman? The deep voice, androgynous look, the 80s; how is a 14 year old supposed to make the distinction?
Gender bending aside, “Fast Car” has to be one of her most famous songs and a personal anthem of mine. (Yet I am trying to remain impartial for this post). What about a simple song about getting out of Cleveland resonated so much with people. And does the song still hold its merit today?
Lyrics
You got a fast car,
I want a ticket to anywhere.
Maybe we make a deal.
Maybe together we can get somewhere.
Anyplace is better.
Starting from zero got nothing to lose.
Maybe we’ll make something?
But me myself I got nothing to prove.
You got a fast car.
And I got a plan to get us out of here.
I been working at the convenience store,
Managed to save just a little bit of money.
We won’t have to drive too far.
Just ‘cross the border and into the city.
You and I can both get jobs,
And finally see what it means to be living
You see my old man’s got a problem.
He live with the bottle that’s the way it is.
He says his body’s too old for working.
I say his body’s too young to look like his.
My mama went off and left him.
She wanted more from life than he could give.
I said somebody’s got to take care of him.
So I quit school and that’s what I did.
You got a fast car,
But is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision,
We leave tonight or live and die this way?
I remember we were driving driving in your car,
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk.
City lights lay out before us,
And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder.
And I had a feeling that I belonged.
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone.
You got a fast car,
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves.
You still ain’t got a job,
And I work in a market as a checkout girl.
I know things will get better.
You’ll find work and I’ll get promoted.
We’ll move out of the shelter.
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs.
You got a fast car,
And I got a job that pays all our bills.
You stay out drinking late at the bar.
See more of your friends than you do of your kids.
I’d always hoped for better,
Thought maybe together you and me would find it.
I got no plans I ain’t going nowhere.
So take your fast car and keep on driving.
You got a fast car,
But is it fast enough so you can fly away?
You gotta make a decision.
You leave tonight or live and die this way?
Conclusion:
There is an unyielding optimism and sadness that flows through this song. She tries so desperately to overcome the obstacles she faces in this song. There’s a nice pre and post that occurs in the song as well. The pre is that feeling we’ve all felt. That idea that if we could just get in the car and drive, imagine what we could do. And the post is the realization that we may have started over, but it’s still bad. Nothing is better.
But the heart of the song lies in those moments in the chorus when she’s driving. I don’t think I’ve ever had that moment where you just feel like the whole world is ahead of you and the past is behind you. That you can let the wind blow through your hair and just know that everything is going to be okay. She’s always dreaming of things better but they never seem to manifest. Except for in those brief moments in the car. She says that “I had a feeling that I belong. I had a feeling I could be someone”. And the song concludes with her not getting what she wants, only more rejection. But there’s still that hope of recapturing driving in the fast car on the way to a new and better life.
The Numbers
Creepy: 3% (Is she a guy?)
Sweet: 97%
The music video, in a rare occasion, does the song justice. It’s simple, stark and dignified. There’s no dripping drama scenes happening to distract from the sheer power of the lyrics. It doesn’t get any better than this folks.
January 16th
“January 16th”
Men are faulted for thinking with their groin.
For letting their penis lead the way.
But a man’s pelvis is shaped like a heart. His penis, a rod.
The heart is the Hallmark symbol for love.
If the heart is just a muscle and the penis just an organ, the brain can only rely on the solidarity, strength and steadfastness of bone.
Women carry ovals underneath their jeans.
But men, hearts.
Women bear oval saucers good for catching and holding displays of artwork.
But men bear the shape of romance and thin pink construction paper cutouts.
The scent of lust leads them to thin ivory saucers so that they can rest their trinkets.
Led not by the points of rods but by calcified and unabashed bone.
red herring. 