A Critical Analysis of Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend”

Bieber-Fever. While his music career reaches it’s ripe old age, we are now as a nation witness to the infancy of his manhood. With Usher as his “swagger” coach, Biebs is trying to make that transition from tween superstar into Justin Timberlake. I mean in the pic above he has 3 buttons undone! And hey girl, look how confused he is about his love for you. You can tell by the way he runs his fingers through his hair. He undid those buttons for you, girl.

Unfortunately, he is no Justin Timberlake. His latest effort into reaching manhood is his new single “Boyfriend”. Produced by the ever-catchy Mike Posner, this song stands alone as one of the more idiotic tracks I’ve ever heard. From it’s strange progression to it’s odd lyrics, I don’t think that “boyfriend” is going to be the crossover hit into manhood that the Bieber team is expecting.

I usually direct the class to focus on the lyrics as we go through these critical analysis, but for this instance, I also would like you to listen to the backing track.

Listen for an abundance of this:

Now that you have the endless owl hooting in your head, let’s look at the lyrics.

“Boyfriend”
B If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go
I can take you places you ain’t never been before
Baby take a chance or you’ll never ever know
I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow
Swag swag swag, on you
Chillin by the fire why we eatin’ fondue
I dunno about me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three two

[Pre-Chorus]
I’d like to be everything you want
Hey girl, let me talk to you

[Chorus]
If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

[Verse 2]
Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don’t
I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe
I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know
I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow
Burr
Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
You could be my girlfriend until the —- world ends
Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and
Voice goin crazy on this hook like a whirl wind
Swaggie

[Pre-Chorus]
I’d like to be everything you want
Hey girl, let me talk to you

[Chorus]
If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go

[Bridge]
So give me a chance, ‘cause you’re all I need girl
Spend a week wit your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend
If I was your man, I’d never leave you girl
I just want to love you, and treat you right

[Chorus]
If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl you’d never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, never let you go

Na na na, na na na, na na na
Ya girl
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey
Na na na, na na na, na na na ey

If I was your boyfriend

Conclusion

Things that Justin Bieber is going to make you do:
-Chill by the fire and eat fondue
-Make you dance, do a spin and a twirl
-Make you shine bright while you’re lying in the snow, burr.

I’m going to completely avoid the Buzz Lightyear reference that he makes and really focus on the crux of the song. “Burr”.
He literally let’s us know the temperature of snow. Oh Justin. Thank you for your assistance. And “thank you” might not be the right word. Let’s try “burr”. So burr Justin. Burr.

It’s so hard to legitimize a song where the last 5 lines are na na na na na, ya girl, na na na na ey.
If you need me, I’ll be in the ICU holding the music industry’s hand as it takes its final breaths, chest heaving, lips chapped as it slowly slips away.

And if that image doesn’t do it for you, the music video is below:

Look at all that ear-biting and whispering. Oh girl, burr. Burr.
One has to love Justin Bieber, looking like a lesbian Bruno Mars, freak dancing next to a sports car.