An Open Letter to Kirk Cameron

Kirk Cameron taught us that marriages need to be Fireproof. And that just because your marriage is fireproof, that doesn’t mean the fire isn’t going to come, but it means you will be able to withstand it, with God. Thankfully all these lessons (and more!) are easily packaged in the Kirk Cameron movie, Fireproof.

Dear Mr. Cameron–

I just found out your sister is D.J. from “Full House”. That must have been fun. Anyway.
I saw your movie last night. I was going to get drunk and watch it, but don’t worry, I didn’t.
I really liked how you used everyone from the town of Albany, Georgia instead of hiring real actors. It really brought a sense of youth-group to the film. The way the townspeople of Albany, Georgia’s wooden faces and blank stares resonated with the themes of the movie (Jesus, Marriage, Accepting Jesus, Internet Porn Addiction and Prayer) was incredible.

I went to your website like the movie credits told me, after the bible verse of course, and I thought fireproofmymarriage.com was an excellent website. I really loved the part where you said that couples who live together before they get married only do so because the woman thinks that it’s a step toward marriage and the man only wants readily available sex and a break in finances. It was also neat how you showed all the studies saying that living in sin before marriage leads to divorce but then said that “no study has ever shown cohabitation to benefit marriage”. How scientific Kirk!

I also super loved how a baptist church, and not a real movie studio, produced the movie. It’s so lame sometimes how when a movie is trying to push a Christian agenda, the Hollywood types try and bury it in plot and subject matter. It’s so much better your way: Just have every scene end up with the characters talking in front of a giant wooden crucifix. (It’s so we all remember! It’s imagery!).

And Kirk, this is not to say that I’m not down with God. God is good, God is great, and we thank him for our food. But seriously? When Anna sat down for lunch with your heathen non-believer wife in the film and mid-sentence bowed her head for 8 seconds and prayed and then went on with the convo like nothing had happened. That’s weird, bro. And I call you bro because you were on television. And we are all God’s children.

Speaking of, my favorite line, well one of them, is when you go see your black firefighter friend and tell him you want to be one with God, and then he says “You’re like my brother from another mother, only now we have the SAME father”. Love that, Kirk. Love it.

Also, Kirk, buddy, bro, all the fire metaphor and imagery. Genius. It’s like you knew we wouldn’t get it from the poster, so you reinforced it whenever you could. Genius. Marriage is like a burning house, our love is like fire, you can’t fireproof your heart….subtle as a brick.

Sometimes actors have to make a brave choice. And you made some big ones in this film. I thought that you forcing the church—sorry movie studio, to use your wife as a stand-in was genius. You’re an actor. Of course if you kiss an actress for a scene its for realz. When you got married you saved all your kisses for your wife, Courtney. Who are you to give them away for free for the sake of a film? Put a wig on Courtney and lets shoot this shit in shadow.

The other brave choice you made is to portray a man addicted to boats and internet porn. It’s just like Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”, only braver. Boating magazines? Pop-up ads tempting you asking you if you “wanna see”? Oh Kirk, the artistic bravado.

In conclusion, bro. Fireproof. Loved it. Loved you, loved the message. I just wish there were more films that demonized women for not having dinner on the table after working their full-time jobs. We all could use more of those.

Love,

Matt